Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
-- Lewis Grizzard

Friday, January 14, 2011

Homemade crayons and K-Y

There once was a girl named Ray and she had this friend named Martha, who one day came up with the brilliant (albeit painful) idea of hand-crafting crayons.  “Wow, what a great fun we shall have” Ray thought to herself.  Martha arrived early one Thursday morning determined to craft a total of 80 of these wonderfully charming home-made crayons.   Hours were spent chatting merrily and peeling the paper off old, broken crayons.... and laughing and peeling old, broken crayons.... and snacking on Cheez-its and peeling more broken crayons..... and peeling.... and peeling.... and peeling more crayons.  In the end, Martha and Ray lovingly boxed up several dozen beautifully created handmade crayons in an assortment of holiday shapes and colors.
In the wee hours of the very next morning, Ray discovered that on one hand she had two fingernails (thumb and forefinger) that had been separated from the skin (OUCH!!) by the massive amounts of colored wax deposited there by the hours and hours of peeling all those old crayons.  On the other hand, she had a thumb that was purple and swollen and very sore from the repetitive action of snapping those freshly peeled crayons into very tiny pieces.
So, there in those early morning hours, Ray, while performing various self-beautifying and hygienic tasks,  found herself trying to decide which set of fingers on which injured hand she should use to pluck her stray eyebrows …… deciding that the pain in her bruised right thumb was less severe than the pain that would surely be inflicted to one, possibly both, of her eyeballs by using her left hand to implement a sharp object to remove those lost hairs growing in the middle of her forehead, she stuck her right thumb into the hole of the tweezer, only to realize that her thumb was not only bruised and sore but now was painfully stuck into a metal hair removal devise as well!! 
Wrapping up this sad, sad story with a handy moral-of-the-day ……..personal lubricant can be used for more than bedroom activities; and although it leaves a less than desirable, slightly latex-y smell, is a great dry, winter skin remedy!!


1 comment:

  1. OK, Beck! It's Michele from Wildcats.....Im now following your blog, and OMG!!! Does this crap really happen to you? LOL